Wow I had no idea that it had been so long since I posted. I have been a very busy woman. 2012 was a huge year for me, I married the love of my life, became a home owner and a mother.
2012 was incredible and difficult, I was sick for more than 2/3s of my pregnancy I had acute morning sickness and was hospitalized for dehydration. I had to go off work early on sick leave because I was so sick, it wasn't until the end of my pregnancy that I started feeling better. At least physically, emotionally was another story. During my pregnancy I didn't feel like myself, I was sad very frequently, uninterested in everything, experiencing social anxiety. I contributed it to hormones but after our son was born I was still feeling off, and I was so hard on myself these were suppose to be the best times of my life. What the heck was wrong with me, I loved my life and my family but I couldn't shake this looming sadness that seemed to overtake me. I just wanted to stay in bed all the time. I knew I needed to take care of me to be the best me I could be for my family, and decided it was time to go to the Doctor to talk about Postpartum Depression. I think I may have known for a little while, I cried almost all the time, and was in my head judging my every move, but I was being so harsh on myself too much self judging. I just wanted to be a good wife and mom, it was all so new to me and I didn't have the best examples growing up. I felt overwhelmed and even though I had incredible support from my loving husband, I felt so alone, like no one understood me or what was happening to me. I felt like if I had depression I had somehow failed my family because I wanted to be happy, I also recognized that I had a family history of depression with both my father and grandfather attempting suicide, I knew this was something that I could not take lightly. Little did I know taking steps to feel better would make all the difference.
A few weeks before Christmas I made the trek to the Doctor with my husband and we talked and did some quizzes and he diagnosed me with postpartum depression, he thought it developed during my pregnancy which isn't uncommon. He prescribed a low dose of antidepressants that would be safe for breastfeeding, provided internet resources and suggested a counselor. The first 3 months after the birth of my son I was lucky that my husband got to stay home with me and our son, the pressure it took off me was immense, unfortunately by the time I sought help it was almost time for my husband to go back to work. My husband said he noticed within days a difference in me, it took me about a month to see a difference. Having my husband gone for 12+ hours a day is difficult, and I try and take each day as it comes, some are better than others. The biggest thing is I can recognize when I am not feeling great and take steps to take care of myself. I am making myself get up and take the baby and dog for a walk and go to mommy and me classes. I have started a painting which I havent dont for way too long. I am slowly but surely feeling better, I am lucky to have such a loving husband who is so supportive.
I wanted to share my story, because I know there are many women out there who are struggling and may not know why. If you are feeling unlike yourself or sad, or easily frustrated please talk to someone 1 in 5 women experience postpartum depression. It does not make you less of a woman or mother, it does not mean you are failing and you should not be disappointed in yourself, this is when you need to love yourself and take care of yourself. I know it can be hard, but wanting to feel better and take care of yourself for your family is important.
Thats all I have to say for now, I hope sharing stories like this will empower women to take care of themselves. I plan on using my blog more, I miss writing and I think it will be good for me to share my new adventures.
Thanks for reading